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Original request is here: http://community.livejournal.com/tfanonkink/491.html?thread=792299#t792299 – Seeker!Will, car fetish, Seeker libido, more humour and plot than smut, and my general fail at writing anything above PG-13.
Title as suggested by requester: Trials of a Seeker
Rating: R
Pairing: Ironhide/Will/Ratchet
Summary: Will gets turned into a Seeker. Things go downhill from there.
Working for NEST, Will knew, there were a lot of things you learned to take for granted. Giant, alien robots, for one. Cars that talked back and perverted robot tentacle freaks that got it on with their military satellites, to mention a few others. But on a definite top three, if not at the very top of the list, was the way the 'Bots acted around them. The first time Ironhide had physically picked him up not long after the stuff at Mission City, Will had been less than enthusiastic about it. Oh, sure, Sam didn't seem to have any issues being carried around by Bumblebee and Mikaela still seemed to find it fascinating more than anything, but it didn't change the fact that Ironhide was a walking, grumbling weapon used to metal allies and cannons bigger than a grown man, and humans were soft and squishy and easily broken.
He hadn't mentioned anything, even if he was sure Ironhide had noticed the tension in his body, and he had been more than a bit surprised to find that huge robot or not, he didn't for a moment feel like he was anything less than perfectly safe in Ironhide's hands. No fingers or feet stuck between shifting, black plates, no moment when that metal hand seemed to tighten that bit too much under him, and after a while, he had stopped being amazed and just trusted Ironhide to know what he was doing. The 'Bots were careful around them, whether it was during training or mission briefings or just talking, and it stayed like that even when they got used to each other and the NEST humans developed a sixth sense about when to get out of the way. Even the Twins and Sideswipe were careful in their own very, very special way, and eventually NEST just... got used to it.
It wasn't until the first time he had picked up Sarah in his brand new Seeker body that he realised just how much processing power went behind such a simple act. Just being around humans was bad enough, always with active sensors to keep track of everything and being careful every time he as much as moved, but actually physically interacting with someone was... daunting. Every little shift meant a whole new range of calculations, taking into account his strength, his armour, the size and weight and movements of the human, and if that was what Bumblebee had to deal with every time he casually let Sam and Mikaela sit on his shoulders, Will had seriously underestimated the small scout.
Even now, with Sarah simply resting in the palm of his hand, he could feel that constant barrage of processes if he focused on them... and he frequently did, even if he wasn't going to admit it. Just to make sure they were still there and he wasn't about to do something stupid and dangerous on accident, and because those consistent little pings of acknowledgement were one of the main things that kept both Seeker and human from losing themselves completely in their miniature freak-out.
He hadn't even bothered to try and shield those emotions, on the logic that the best way to warn both of his bonded that he was potentially unstable was by letting them get a good long look at the situation themselves and because misery should be shared and in lack of the actual Primus to bitch out, Ratchet made a decent enough substitute.
Which the medic probably knew already, because Will got the clear impression that his hissy fit had been blocked with downright cheerfulness and if said cheerfulness helped a little bit on that blinding fear that bit at the edges of his awareness, Will wasn't going to complain. His Seeker half was confused, going from angry to afraid to frustrated to furious and lighting up bits of memories and emotions like it was a fragging pinball game, and all Will could do was try and offer a bit of calm in return in the shape of the small, human figure in the palm of his hand.
God knew Will himself wasn't worth much in the 'calm' department anymore, after all.
"Will?" Calm, steady, gentle; like the way she had put her necklace back on after carefully picking it up from Will's palm, and there was a strong surge of fear at the thought that he might not be able to protect her, and it took long seconds before he had it enough under control again to focus on his human... wife? Mate?
Ours, the Seeker stated possessively, in between a hurricane of emotions, and Will couldn't even argue with that. Sarah had made her choice and he had no right to tell her no when all he wanted was to keep her close and protect her from anything the world might throw at her.
"Remind me that I owe big and fugly a few missiles in the face," he said quietly. "Rearranging that ugly mug should be considered a service to the planet."
Not that he was much prettier himself these days, from a human point of view, but he ignored that. He had sort of gotten used to it, after all, and he didn't feel up for any arguments with his Seeker part about the attractiveness or lack of same that they possessed.
"What did he tell you?" She didn't need to clarify who 'he' was. She knew, he knew she knew, and that was good enough for them, and not using his name put a bit of distance between the fragger and them – something they desperately needed now.
Anger at the flying fragger, frustration at how much they let the damn 'Con affect them, gnawing fear at how strong that effect might run, and he pushed it all aside through sheer stubbornness, for all of the half a minute or so of peace it would buy him.
"That I didn't belong here. That a proper mate would follow us wherever we went." Sarah hadn't heard the recording, didn't know just what kind of freak they were dealing with, and Will felt his empty hand tremble almost imperceptibly at the stress of keeping it all away. "He wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. That I wasn't injured and that they didn't have some leash on me to keep me reined in. I could have dealt with that, except it sounded like he meant it. He's supposed to be-"
To be some sadistic, cowardly, worthless 'Con that puts his own aft above everything else, to be someone who'd leave a comrade behind to die in a heartbeat, to be someone who'd shoot his leader in the back and laugh all the while.
"Supposed to be Starscream," Sarah said quietly and even if he knew she would never understand the way the Seeker and he himself did, she still tried and the flare of mate-possessiveness-mine that followed wasn't something he even tried to fight.
"Yes."
They were both silent again, the only sounds being the dull hum of activity well away from them, her steady breathing, and the whisper of his own internal machinery at work. Her thumb stroked a gentle caress across warm metal, made every sensor in his body go on high alert as anger and fear and frustration was forgotten and his full attention was on her, and then she paused.
"Do you want to go?"
Yes, no, maybe and frag it all to the Pit, but he didn't want to face it, didn't want to deal with it, didn't want to know the answer, and still he watched her and pushed aside the fear that had returned in full force, because this was mate, because Sarah trusted him, Sarah would go with him if it came to that, and he would have no secrets from her.
"Part of the Seeker wants to," he admitted quietly. "And a tiny little part of me wants to agree. The 'Bots are family but Starscream and the rest of his trine... they're Seekers and the Seeker part of me knows that, too. Seekers weren't meant to be alone and being around kin like that would be... very, very different. I don't want to go, I've got no plans of going quietly if it comes to that, but I'd be lying if I said the temptation wasn't there. That's just from talking with him, too. I don't want to know what's going to happen the first time I meet him face to face. If his influence is that strong over a comm-line, I don't want to know what it's going to do to me in person."
She didn't say anything to that but just nodded and fell silent as she considered his reply and Will in turn considered her. Even standing perfectly still, there were still a surprising amount of processes focused on her and her safety and he wasn't surprised when a few mental pokes at one of them revealed that they were all high-priority, too. It wouldn't make a difference now with nothing else going on but he wasn't too proud to admit that he was relieved to realise that pretty much nothing could overrule those processes, either. Well, something could if he let it, he assumed, but he wasn't about to and if those same things were at play whenever 'Bee or 'Hide or one of the other 'Bots dealt with humans, it was no wonder that they were able to avoid hurting or killing an ally on accident even in battle. Those things were high-priority and a few more mental pokes left little doubt that even battle-related programming could be pushed to second priority if that was what it took to keep his small, organic mate-wife safe.
"So that's the problem," she finally said in a firm voice and narrowed her eyes slightly in the way he had learned to recognise as her don't-cross-me expression. "What are you going to do about it?"
Whatever it takes, he almost said but knew it wouldn't actually answer her question. She wasn't asking about a purely theoretical situation, he knew her well enough to know that, too. If she asked, she wanted an answer and not just nice little promises that didn't say a slagging thing about what he actually intended.
She'd mentioned once it was because she had never met a trouble-magnet as bad as him and she intended to either get the truth from him or slap a GPS transmitter on his ass, and while Will suspected she was joking – or really, really hoped so – he'd gotten the hint just fine and learned to actually tell her things.
"How much did Ratchet tell you?" Not that he was avoiding explanations, mind you, it was just good to know what he had to work with. The baseline, so to speak. He knew they'd had an argument but just how much of the situation they had covered he had no idea.
Sarah snorted. "As little as he could possibly get away with and I'd still ask for a second opinion on anything he said."
There was a flicker of amusement at that, even through the still-heavy fear and anger that took up a good part of his attention. Sure, it was two mates arguing and clearly not getting along much but even the Seeker could see a bit of amusement in it. It meant that they were strong and not willing to back down easily and the Seeker part approved of that. While the breed preferred mates that could get along, Will wasn't surprised to find that it wasn't a demand. With the sort of personality and instincts Seekers had, there was bound to have been some epic arguments and feuds going on for sure before the war had started.
"He's a good doc," Will commented, still a bit amused. "He's just... Ratchet. Complete with bedside manners from the Pit itself and the tact of Bonecrusher on a bad day."
Another soft snort from Sarah to let him know just what she thought of said medic. "I've met raccoons with more pleasant personalities than him. I would say that you have bad taste in mates but Ironhide is nice enough company. I think your doctor there isn't used to being told no when he's decided on a course of action. For his own sake, he better get used to it. I still owe him a round two and if he's going to make a pest of himself again, I'll find a way to deal with that, too."
For a brief, brief moment in between his own states of half panic and half obsessive focus, Will almost felt sorry for Ratchet. Almost. It was gone again before it could ever turn into anything more than a fleeting thought. While he knew his wife had an impressive temper when she wanted to – and an ability to hold a grudge like nobody's business – Ratchet wasn't always the most tactful of mechs around and Sarah was already under a lot of stress. Whatever had happened, Will decided, Ratchet had probably had it coming.
"That bad?" he settled for instead.
Sarah shifted in his hand to make herself more comfortable and made every last bit of his attention focus on her until she settled down again. "He explained briefly about Seekers. That you were unstable, possessive, and that you would take other mates whether I liked it or not." She paused before he could even ask, clearly annoyed. "I told him that it didn't matter and that we would find a way to deal with that, too. It doesn't matter what you look like, you're still my husband to me, and I mean that. Maybe I don't get Seekers like he wants me to but I get enough to know that I don't care and you'll just have to put up with me."
Gladly, Will agreed, silent and heartfelt, and the word came out as a deep, affectionate croon as his Seeker half added its own agreement to that. He didn't even consciously notice the fear and panic lessen slowly, only the strong emotions focused on the small being in his hand.
"Even if we have miserable taste in mates?" he asked with a lightness he didn't feel. That had been the part his human side had the most issues with and it was no secret to anyone who really knew him that he was still trying to cope. Ratchet's explanations might have worked for a Seeker-human but he had his doubts that the medic had been able to do the same for Sarah. She sounded like she got it but whether the implications of it all had sunk in as well... really, that was anyone's guess. Primus knew Will had taken long enough to be willing to even acknowledge it himself.
Sarah was silent for a long moment – far shorter than it felt, Will knew, but it didn't change the fact that it was still plenty of time for his sensors to pick up on any change in her body, any shift in posture, any bit of tension in her muscles, however tiny it might be, and he had no chance at all to figure out what any of it meant. Reading her body language as a human had been one thing. This was something else entirely and he knew that it would take a long time to be able to understand her the way he used to... and probably her with him, as well.
"Ironhide isn't bad," she finally said quietly. "I mean that, Will. I didn't know him well before and we haven't talked much here, either, but he's a good man. He may not like this situation any more than you do or have much of an idea of how to handle everything but he tries and his heart's in the right place. I trust him. As for your medic, I may not like him but it doesn't change the fact that he believes he does what's right for you and that he means well. He argues because he doesn't wish to see you hurt. The fact that we have very different opinions about this whole thing isn't something I can really blame him for, even if it's terribly tempting."
She shifted again to rest her head against the warm plating above his spark and then she sighed. "If this is what you need, did you really think I would argue? You didn't ask for this any more than Ironhide or I did. I even think that if I asked you to not do this, you would listen even if it got someone killed – and I know what you did to that two-wheeled menace so don't even think about apologising – and I'm not going to do that. It wouldn't be fair to anyone, least of all you and that poor Seeker who got stuck trying to make it work together. It doesn't feel right to a human mind, I know, but I can understand enough to know it's something I have to deal with if I want to keep you at all and I have no intentions of letting you go, William Lennox. I've lost you too many times already." She took a deep breath and got her voice back under control before she continued. "So there. Tell me what you're going to do about all this and we'll deal with that, too."
Easier said than done, that, but Will just nodded carefully and then tried to get his own fear and apprehension back under control before he answered. "You know how mechs have sparks?"
The ghost of a touch as soft fingers brushed against the plating on his chest. "Their souls," Sarah responded.
"Their souls," Will agreed and tried to find a nice way to put it all into words and failed hideously in the process. There really wasn't an easy way to deal with any of it and his Seeker half was still too focused on that fear-anger-panic to be of much help at all. "A Seeker can... interface with its mates just fine and never need more than that-" and frag it all, but that word still made the human side twitch- "but it's not the only way to claim a mate. Cybertronians, all of them, not just Seekers, can spark-merge, too. Take a bit of your mate's spark and put into yours and give them a bit of your own spark in return. A permanent kind of bond you're stuck with until one of you get killed and which makes it next to impossible to kill that mate of yours. You could survive losing that mate because you still – you still have a whole spark, just with a chunk of theirs left in yours that'll live on, but not if you pull the trigger yourself. You'd lose that bit of their spark in yours because of that act of betrayal and wouldn't have a whole spark left to keep you alive anymore. Ratchet says that it's not impossible to kill a mate you've spark-merged with but you'd probably kill yourself in the process, too."
"And that's what you plan to do," Sarah said after the silence had stretched on for longer than Will was comfortable with. "A spark-merge with... Ironhide?"
Will nodded slightly and tried to put thoughts into words he hadn't even spoken out loud to Ratchet, although he suspected that the medic had guessed at least parts of the reasons already. "'Hide wouldn't be able to take the shot against me if needed anymore but Prime could, if it came to that, and spark-merging... it would be the best way to anchor the Seeker side here. It's not the human that's the problem, it's the Seeker, but it wouldn't want to leave a spark-merged mate behind and at least I wouldn't be able to target 'Hide, either, if it came to that."
Another pause, trying to get it across right, willing her to understand and accept and see what he meant even when he couldn't find the words to really describe it, and there was so much to try and explain and so little he could do to make it sound sane. "I know doing it with the biggest weapon we have around here wouldn't be the smartest thing if I ever went rogue on the 'Bots but he's the only one that's even an option. I trust him, he's had my back in combat, I trust him with my life, my men's, even with you and Annabelle if it was ever needed, and he's the only one that... it's about trust. I'd see his spark, he'd see mine – everything in there, every little bit of my life whether I remember it or not, everything I ever did or said or thought however stupid and selfish and cowardly it was, and he's the only one I trust. I know him, I trust him, and he's the only one. Ratchet's... Ratchet but he's too complicated. There's too much luggage there, too many secrets he's never shared, too much stuff he's hiding. Ironhide's just... 'Hide. I know him and I trust him. Ratchet even agreed it's an option. I just need to bring it up to 'Hide now."
He left the because I already brought it up with you unsaid because she could read that between the lines just fine.
She turned her head to look at the two shapes in the hangar behind them, front-liner and medic, and then turned back to him, eyes narrowed slightly. "And is it what you want or is this just another way for them to keep you where they want you? You and the Seeker both, Will. It it what you want or is this just some stupid scheme of theirs that they convinced you was the best way to do it? Because he might mean well but I don't see any other Seekers around and from what I gather, no one seems to give much of a damn about what that Seeker in your head thinks, either."
The startled surprised that followed was as much from Will as it was from the Seeker as their optics shuttered and fear-anger-frustration was forgotten in favour of raw, honest bewilderment at her words, and then that, too, faded to be replaced by a spark-deep need to protect the small mate in his hands.
Looking back, he shouldn't have been surprised at the question – she had told them that she intended to get to know both of them and she was never one to make promises she didn't intend to keep – but the Seeker's reaction, he realised, was perfectly understandable and left a slightly bitter taste in his mouth. Nobody had given much of a frag about what the Seeker wanted, had they? Ratchet was the only one who'd communicated directly with it much and even that had been threats of violence for the most part or to curse out the creature. On one level he appreciated that they considered him the dominant personality and the one they wanted to deal with and on the other hand, there was a nagging sense of guilt that gnawed on his mind as he tried to form a reply. The Seeker ran mostly on basic instincts, the Seeker was still only just learning to handle itself in a brave new world, but it should still have some say in things and no one seemed to care much at all about whether or not Will let it have that. He hadn't minded when he had been panicked and afraid of losing himself completely but with a truce in place... the guilt was there. Silent, nagging, and dark as he listened to the soundless impression of the Seeker's response before he spoke.
"It wants this. It's claimed 'Hide as its mate and wants to stake its claim in any way it can, but..." he paused, knew the impression he got from it went against everything he had heard about their kind, and then he pushed that thought side and continued with the train of thought he had gotten from his Seeker half, however out of character it sounded to him. "It wants you to be happy. You acknowledged it. If you don't approve of Ironhide, it will find someone else that you would accept instead."
It would still be someone else to claim their time, still be someone else that she had to accept, and they both knew it, too, but there was still the gesture of choice in it all and even Sarah seemed to understand how big of a gesture it was for the Seeker as she offered a pale but genuine smile and shifted in his hand again. "And you?"
Silence again.
"Fragging terrified," Will confessed. "Humans don't have anything like it and the thought of knowing someone completely is... it sounds like something out of a horror story where the guy goes nuts because it's too much to deal with. On the other hand, the Seeker knows it'll be worth it and I trust it knows what it's doing when it comes to this. Terrified but worth it, I guess. Nobody made the choice for me, at least."
From her place on the palm of his hand, Sarah nodded. "And you'll have company," she said softly and voiced the thought he hadn't been willing to even acknowledge himself yet. "You're going to live for a very, very long time, because I didn't get you back just to see you get yourself killed again in some stupid stunt. You're going to live for a long, long time and it would be even more terrifying to go through that alone. I can't do that for you."
There was nothing he could say to that to make the painful twisting of his heart any easier to bear so he stayed silent and simply listened to the sound of her breathing and the pulse of her heart until the sound of metallic footsteps approached and they both looked towards the dark figure that headed towards them.
Her lips twitched slightly and then she looked back at him. "If this is what you want – both of you, you and the Seeker, and ignore anyone else on this stupid base – then that's what I want, too. Be happy, Will. I got you back and I love you, and I swear, if you forget me the moment you spark-merge or interface or whatever it is alien robots do, then I'm going to make Megatron look positively kind in comparison. If you're claiming me, then I'm going to do the same, and you can tell that medic of yours to stuff it somewhere very painful if he has any objections at all."
Downright glee from the Seeker – because this was what a mate was supposed to be – and even knowing how unnerving Seeker laughter was, Will couldn't quite keep a bit from it from showing as he nodded obediently. "Yes, ma'am."
It wasn't perfect, they both knew that. They still had a lot to get used to, a lot of adjustments to make, but it was a start, and that was good enough for now.
Ironhide liked to think he had a well-developed sense of danger. He liked to think that while luck had definitely had a say in him surviving for as long as he had, skills and good instincts counted as well and that he had plenty of both.
He could understand said instincts reacting to a Seeker, even if part of the personality in said flying fragger was a trusted comrade-in-arms – the rest, after all, was still a Seeker and Ironhide had plenty of bad experiences with those. Having those same instincts react to the human resting in the Seeker's hand as well... that was a bit of a new experience and he ran a quick, localized system scan twice to make sure it wasn't some glitch acting up, only to find that there wasn't a single thing wrong. It didn't react nearly as strongly to her as it did to the Seeker but it was still there and Ironhide wasn't quite sure if he should be amused or worried – it was, when it all came down to it, just a human. Certainly, Sam had taken down Megatron and Lennox had dealt with Blackout but they'd had the help of the Allspark and sabot rounds, respectively, and no small amount of death-defying insanity.
Sarah Lennox, to the best of Ironhide's knowledge, had nothing of that sort but still there was the nagging feeling that he should be somehow... wary. Natural uncertainty about the whole thing at first – Will Lennox's mate or not, she was still a civilian and Ironhide was never very good at talking with those – but that had steadily turned into a wary cautiousness when he approached them. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what made his senses react like that but the way two pairs of blue eyes – one Cybertronian, one human – locked on him in perfect symmetry at the sound of his footsteps definitely had something to do with it. There was nothing hostile in it, nothing off about it at all, just... strangely unnerving to find himself under that kind of scrutiny from them and have no idea of what they had been talking about or were thinking at all. The human femme didn't have a bond to communicate across and what he picked up from Will and the Seeker from behind their heavily-shielded bond didn't offer much in the way of help, not even after he had cautiously lessened the strength of those shields.
At least it was easier to block the worst of it now. Whatever they'd talked about, it had cut down a lot on the constant, invisible hammer of Seeker-born emotions that had made the past hour or so such a pest to deal with. It was still there but not as heavy and what remained felt more controlled, too. Less raw panic and more a calm, careful – if slightly intense – focus on... Ironhide.
It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
They moved like one again to look at each other and then the small femme rested a hand on part of Will's plating, well away from any bits and pieces that might crush an organic limb on accident.
"I need to get back to Annabelle," she said quietly. Too low for any possible humans lurking around to hear but more than enough to be picked up by Ironhide's sensors and he figured that she knew it, too.
The emotions from the bond lost some of their calm and turned darker, more raw and desperate as flickers of memories of the small human offspring surfaced even through Ironhide's mental blocks on it and the Seeker frame tensed. Sarah Lennox didn't seem to care but brushed her hand gently across grey plating and while Ironhide knew without a doubt that the human femme couldn't possibly feel the effect it had on Will the way that Ironhide could, she still seemed to know instinctively that her touch would calm him down. That, or she put up a fragging good act. Either way, Ironhide figured it worked. "We can talk about that later. We'll figure something out, one way or another. I'm not letting Annie grow up without her father just because of something as silly as this."
And just like that the emotions calmed down and the fear levelled out again as Will nodded and walked over to one of the Jeeps parked nearby, and Ironhide trailed along from a mix of curiosity, concern, and a lack of anything else he ought to be doing.
The car looked painfully small and fragile against the Seeker as he kneeled to put his human companion on the ground and Ironhide was a bit bemused to find said companion level a long look at him before she glanced at Will again and seemed to mouth something that Ironhide couldn't make out.
Probably didn't matter, anyway, but still he couldn't quite help the feeling that someone was plotting behind his back.
Front-liner and Seeker both watched silently as the car left and only when the last sound of the engine was gone did Will look back at Ironhide, a flicker of what looked like amusement in his expression and the ghost of the same feeling brushing against his shield through their bond. Like he was in on some kind of joke that Ironhide hadn't caught up with yet but at least it was better than the fear-anger-panic they'd been treated to before. Ironhide could deal with amusement instead of that.
"You here to beat me up and put the Seeker back in its place?" Will asked. The amusement in his voice left little doubt that he wouldn't really have a problem with it if that was the case and for a moment Ironhide was absurdly curious about just what had happened in that combined processor of theirs during the swift, brutal battle with their Prime to make Will enjoy it so much. On the other hand, knowing Seekers... some things were probably better left unexplained.
Ironhide snorted and decided to go with the truth. "Ratchet dismissed me with instructions to be social and get to know your wife, but we can schedule a training session if you miss getting your aft slagged that much."
Will didn't rise to the bait but just glanced in the direction where the Jeep had left and then back at Ironhide, still with that amusement in his words. "Play nice and social, get to know her, get friendly, and give her some kind of bond to you so there's less risk I'll decided to pack up, go 'Con, and take her with me?" Then continued before Ironhide had the chance to reply- "That's what I would have done. Starscream did a good job reminding the Seeker part of me that there's nothing that really keeps Sarah here other than me and if I left..."
...She'd follow, Ironhide didn't finish because they both knew that. She'd follow, at least as things were now and whatever arguments she'd had with Ratchet probably hadn't helped, either. Stubborn-as-frag medics and organics were a pain in the aft any way you looked at it.
Silence followed as Will seemed distracted again and Ironhide was busy with his own thoughts and a cautious attempt to further lower the shield that had kept the Seeker's mess of emotions from invading his own spark as well. It was a lot less than when Ratchet had first told him to shield, even noticeably less than when he had arrived to talk with Will only minutes before, and he could feel it slowly weaken even as he watched. Seekers, he had been forced to learn from close proximity to Will, tended to show and feel a lot stronger than other builds did but as fast as their temper could flare, as fast it could vanish again, too. Ratchet had been right – it wouldn't take that long for their Seeker to be reasonably stable again.
And speaking of which...
"If this is what dealing with Seekers on a regular basis feels like, no wonder someone gave Ratchet that 'Hatchet' name of his," Ironhide snorted. "Nobody sane or stable could have survived actually living with them."
Will's cheerful half smile, half smirk of a response was a nice reminder to Ironhide that Seekers weren't built for that sort of expression, but it would probably take the human part a long time to remember that little fact. "That's okay, 'Hide. We always knew you were batshit insane. Nothing to be ashamed of."
"Says the human that took on Blackout," Ironhide drawled right back. Took on Blackout gleefully at that and left no doubt that he'd do it all over again in a heartbeat if he could.
No one had ever accused their young NEST commander of being sane but then, with a position like that, Ironhide doubted that anyone sane would even have been able to function, much less run a successful operation. Come to think of it, he realised with some bemusement, it was probably the only thing that had kept William Lennox from losing it completely in the days and weeks that had followed his human body's death. Someone sane and stable, Ironhide suspected, would have cracked under the pressure. Lennox was stressed, there was little doubt about that, but it wasn't anything he seemed unable to handle and his mindset undoubtedly had a lot to do with that. The same mental... flexibility that had allowed him to deal with the thought of alien robots so easily was the same that now kept him at least marginally sane – and it said a lot about the flying fraggers as a breed that they made Lennox look sane, stable, and downright normal in comparison.
Will smirked, entirely unrepentant, and then he glanced in the direction where the Jeep had vanished again, drawing Ironhide's attention in the process. One second, two, wondering what to do, and then he pushed aside the uncharacteristic hesitation – he wasn't meant to deal with non-combatants or be some sort of sensitive, caring pest of a shrink; he was used to comrades-in-arms and if you had issues to deal with, you did so with a sufficiently impressive number of firearms – before he focused on their Seeker.
"How is she adapting?"
Decently from what Ironhide had seen but that had been a few conversations at the most and she was well used to keeping secrets, her own state of mind included. If nothing else, it might give him some idea of what he would be dealing with.
"A lot better than I would have done in her situation," Will admitted. "I'm stuck with this, I have to learn to cope some way or another, but she doesn't. She could just walk away if she wanted and half of me hoped she would. She's amazing, I don't deserve her, and I wanted her to be able to have some kind of a normal life again without some jealous, temperamental bird-brain hovering around her. I'm grateful she refused but..." He sighed. "I wanted her to have it, you know? Give her the choice I didn't get, at least. Maybe I did something stupid to get myself in this situation, and I can't make it all just peachy again, but I could at least give her the choice. Let her have a kind-of normal life away from Classified County and Giant Genocidal Robot City. We still have to figure out what to tell Annabelle but... Sarah's coping. Really, really well."
"As long as it isn't Ratchet doing the explaining," Ironhide said dryly.
Will snorted at that but the amusement he felt still carried over through the bond, and Ironhide wasn't quite sure if it was a good sign that he was slowly getting used to dealing with something as temperamental as a Seeker. He was still affected by it, granted, and it still took him by surprise sometimes, he just... wasn't as confused anymore when it happened. It was a Seeker, being a pain came natural to it, and the best thing anyone could do was learn to cope because it clearly wasn't in any Seeker's personality to learn something like 'self control' or 'restraint'.
"I already told Ratchet that people gave the 'Iron Will' nickname to the wrong Lennox but nobody listens. I figure it's their own afts on the line, then. And yeah, she wasn't too happy with him." He paused and smirked again in that distinctively Seeker-ish and wrong way. "A wash and a wax says Sarah wins round two."
Ironhide snorted. "We need to cut down on training sessions, you've damaged your processors. He's a Seeker-trained medic and he deals with Prime, Sideswipe, and the Twins."
"And you," Will agreed. "Mr. It's-Just-A-Flesh-Wound."
Ironhide's eyes narrowed slightly at the reference. "You do know we have wash racks?"
Another smirk. "I know. What's the fun in that?"
And there it was, the whisper of lust underneath it all again when Ironhide lowered his shields a bit more to pick up the emotions, curiosity and attraction and fascination and a raw, lingering desire to claim, and if that was the case, then who was he to argue?
"Just making sure. You're on, and you better make it the good wax."
Of course. Only the best for a Seeker, Will sent smugly over their bond but before Ironhide could do anything more than narrow his eyes, Will continued out loud, slightly more hesitant. "I told her about spark-merging."
It took a second longer than it should have for his processors to catch up with that train of thought and he was more surprised than he probably should have been. Seekers were all about mates and claiming and interfacing – Will had called them nymphos more than once and Ironhide didn't doubt that it was true, too – so it shouldn't have come as a surprise to him that spark-merging that been brought up. It had been bound to, sooner or later, and while Ironhide would have preferred 'later' to 'sooner' – if nothing else then because they had enough to deal with as it was – he was willing to listen, too, and he sent a soundless feeling of encouragement through their bond.
The emotion he got back was a strange mix of uncertainty, determination, and wry amusement. "I brought it up with Ratchet and he gave his own Ratchet-y kind of blessing. Didn't forbid it, at least. Sarah sort of understands, too, told me flat-out that she didn't want me to be alone. All I have to do now is bring it up with you, and..." he shrugged, not bothering to point out that he had, in fact, done just that, if in a rather round-about way.
A spark-merge.
The word brought back memories a lot stronger than Ironhide had expected, memories of what had been and was and might just be as past mixed with a possible future, the raw feeling of a still-open wound that was losing a spark-merged mate, pain and loss and everything that had come before, and he forced it all back under control again and more than halfway suspected the Seeker's influence was to blame.
"A spark-merge," Ironhide repeated out loud and Will shrugged with a casualness that Ironhide knew him well enough to see was forced.
"I'm a human, 'Hide. If we'd both been Seekers, I'm sure we would just have known in some magical, mystical Seeker-y way, but we're not. I'm a human and all I've got to go by is a grouchy old medic and a Seeker-half that's still running on mostly-basic programming. Maybe there's some right way to do it, bring little wrapped cubes of Energon or something, but I don't know it, so I'll make due with what I have."
Since Will had brought it up with Ratchet himself, Ironhide didn't really doubt that he had gotten a thorough lecture about just what he was trying to get himself into, but he still had to wonder. Seekers weren't known for being stable and while he wouldn't have doubted the whole thing if it had just been Lennox the Human who'd brought it up, Will the Seeker was something else entirely. He had felt first-hand how fast their moods could change and there wasn't any guarantee that spark-merging hadn't just been brought up in a good mood and would be regretted with the next fickle change of mind.
"A spark-merge," Ironhide repeated again, this time in more of a question than a statement, and the way Will paused for a moment was reassuring. It meant there was some kind of activity happening in his processors. What kind of activity was another question but at least there was someone at the wheel.
"There's a ton of reasons to say no, I know," Will admitted. "Spark-merging with one of the few mechs that could take me down if I went off in the deep end? Not the brightest idea. Spark-merging with a Seeker with no common sense or much in the way of survival instincts and which is more than likely to get itself offlined sooner rather than later? Definitely not a bright idea. Spark-merging with a human-turned-Seeker that's had way too little time to get used to it all and could go bananas next week for all we know? Pretty damn high on the 'dumbaft ideas' list."
"On the other hand, it would make the bird-brain in your head less likely to take off with the 'Con fraggers," Ironhide replied. "And you've found some advantages to it, too, or you wouldn't bring it up now."
Will nodded. "'Con fraggers," he confirmed. "Stability. Keep the Seeker part happy." He paused and his hesitation was clear through both body-language and their bond - a lot more obvious than it had been as a human, and even more so when held against what a ground-bound warrior-build would be likely to show. "I trust you. This is - I'm about as clear-headed as I'll ever be again, 'Hide. Sooner or late, it'll push for this and I probably won't have a choice. I'd rather do this when I'm the one that makes the decision. I know the Seeker wants it. This way, it'll be me as well. Sarah accepted it. Ratchet didn't sound too convinced but he didn't tell me to forget about it, either."
Reasonable, logical, with all the little pros and cons written up like the good commander he was, and no fragging wonder Ratchet had frowned. If he didn't think his used-to-be-human partner would get confused, Ironhide would have laughed. As it was, he still couldn't quite keep his amusement from showing, anyway.
"He is a medic. Seekers are focused on emotions so I doubt it cares as long as it gets what it wants but Ratchet's a medic. He's not a warrior-build, he's not a front-liner, he doesn't have the programming or the mindset and he's not supposed to, either. Do you know what two special ops mechs call their spark-merge? 'A tactical advantage'. Because if you're strong enough, it will be."
Surprise mingled with dawning comprehension through their bond as Will got over his surprise and caught up with Ironhide's train of thought and Ironhide could tell the exact moment the credits dropped. "If you spark-merge with someone, you'll know everything about them. Everything they know, you know. How long is the reach?"
"Well beyond planet-scale," Ironhide responded. "There were limits but not enough to be a genuine restriction."
Will nodded distractedly, half of his attention clearly on this new bit of information he had been given. "So you have a partner you trust, you spark-merge with them... perfect, unhackable, untraceable audio and visual. Intel mostly, still have to find a way into enemy territory, but holy frag." He paused and Ironhide clearly felt the darkening of his mood through their bond, heavier emotions making their way into the mix of surprise-determination-curiosity.
"And if your cover was blown, there would be at least one person who knew what happened," Ironhide said and voiced what Will had already realised.
"No MIA," Will agreed quietly. "You might not ever find the body but at least someone knew what happened and whether you're long offline or still trapped in a cell somewhere. Does Ratchet know? Optimus?"
Ironhide shrugged. "Yes. They're not warrior-builds but they've spent enough time around us to know. It's not specific for us, just not that common in the rest. Normal mechs spark-merge because it's someone they want to share their spark and the rest of their online existence with. Us? Same reasons, I guess, we just choose to see it for the tactical advantage it is. It's not that common because we're all a little wary about that sort of thing in combat but we're not so stupid we don't see the potential. Jazz spark-merged after he went into special ops. Sideswipe and his twin were made as one spark split in two and have the same effect going on with them as a spark-merge."
It was more complicated than that but it wasn't the time or the place to get into whatever issues their older set of spark-split twins had, and silence fell as Will paused to go over what he had just been told. Ironhide didn't blame him. It was a lot to take in, and a lot different from what Ratchet had probably told him. If he had based his whole approach on Ratchet's word – and Ironhide didn't doubt that was the case – then it took some adjustment to adapt to what Ironhide had just told him, too.
"Tactical advantage," Will finally repeated and then gave him a vaguely accusing look that was belied by the sheer relief that flowed over their bond. "You could have told me before I worried myself half to death from this slag."
"I could," Ironhide agreed quietly. "I didn't wish to force a decision on you or encourage something you weren't ready for. It's a tactical advantage but it doesn't change the fact that all I am will be yours and all you are will be mine. Spark and body. To lose a spark-merged mate will leave scars that will never completely heal, even if it is a union based on reason and trust and with a military focus. Bonds like those are no weaker than any other, just based on different emotions that are no less strong."
"Partnership with benefits." Relief-hesitation with that bit of determination still in it but there was something underneath it all as well, the same sense of lust-want-attraction that Will's uneasiness about it all had drowned out, and then Will grinned, a glow in his optics mirroring his mood. "You propositioning me, 'Hide?"
He wasn't always sure anymore what was Will and what was the Seeker, too merged to really tell completely most of the time, but the words were all Will and the feeling behind it was familiar, too, a light-heated challenge that lacked the darker seriousness of the Seeker.
It was still a challenge, though, and Ironhide gave a dark purr in response. "So what if I am?"
Wings moved, flared to draw instinctive attention from Ironhide even as Will responded with a smugness that brushed against Ironhide's spark in a deceptively light, taunting way, and there was the nagging feeling that he was forgetting something, that there was something he should know, but it was dismissed an instant later when Will spoke. "I'd compliment you on your taste in partners."
Ironhide snorted. "Fragging bird-brain's got more vanity than processors in there."
"Says Mr. Cannons-For-Brains."
Oh, yes, definitely Will in there. Fragments of a moment of pause and then Ironhide held out his hand. Trust me?
There was no hesitation in Will's response.
With my life, he said, and accepted.
There was less than a second of warning, a flash of intent through their bond, but it was all Will needed. Ironhide sent him tumbling an instant later but Will was already moving, drawing on a subconscious mix of Ironhide's lessons and the impression of the front-liner's own hazy memories through their bond – not enough to really get the upper hand, never enough to win, but still enough to matter.
He landed mostly on his feet, narrowly missing one of the parked Jeeps and almost losing his balance in the process but it was still a hell of a lot better than he would have managed without Ironhide's lessons.
For a moment his processors snapped into combat mode, ready to defend themselves in the unannounced training session... and then he realised what the mech was up to at the silent purr of a challenge over their bond and the responding flare of dominance-battle-possession-mine from his Seeker half. There was the strange feeling of unfamiliar fans brought online somewhere in his body – not quite starting yet but the definite expectation of being needed soon enough – and the look Ironhide gave him would have been enough to make him more than a bit edgy as a human, moving like a predator with a grace that should not be possible for someone that big and heavy. Will wasn't human, though, not anymore, and the Seeker would never accept being considered prey, and the smirk they offered in response was all challenge. They might be going down but frag it, they were going to earn the beating.
"If you wanted an aft-kicking, you could just have told me so, 'Hide. It's okay, we're friends, we're not going to judge you if you're into weird-aft-"
That was as far as he got before Ironhide struck again, no warning at all from their bond, and the gleeful thrill of raw pleasure from the Seeker was both alien and familiar in a way that he had no time to think about before they hit the ground and were pinned against the tarmac by the familiar weight of Ironhide. It sent the sensor nodes in his wings blinking like a Christmas tree on speed and made a silent demand of strength-dominance-control flare up as they spotted a familiar Energon-line between Ironhide's armour plates as he moved, and they took their chance and made a grab for it. Maybe the mech had expected it, maybe it was just good reflexes, but while he twisted himself out of their reach, it didn't stop sharp claws from leaving near-perfect lines down his chest.
Ratchet was going to kill them for it but somehow Will couldn't bring himself to care as the Seeker sent an impression of smugness to their mate.
Marked property, Will added with a smirk. Your aft is mine.
Which was entirely the wrong thing to say – or entirely the right, Will was never going to be sure about that one – because he was back on the ground a moment later with the Christmas tree of sensor nodes blinking in his processors again in what he'd swear was a mocking little soundless tune, and he couldn't quite keep himself from groaning.
Seeker reflexes, my shiny, fragging-
-Property, Ironhide finished for him with a dark purr to send a shudder through Will's body, and there was absolutely no doubt that the mech knew what that voice did to him, and did it entirely on purpose, too. He arched his back without thought and gave Ironhide the chance at his wings that he had clearly been waiting for. The ghost of a touch against the still-sensitive NEST tattoo on one wing, and then one strong hand gripped the ridge of the same wing tightly for an endless second and tore an involuntary moan from Will as sensors flared up for entirely different reasons. I outrank you, Lennox. That aft is mine.
Gathering his wits again enough to respond to that took a lot more effort than Will was ever going to admit to, and the Seeker was absolutely no help at all, either. The bird-brain had been reduced to a mental puddle of lust in an embarrasingly short amount of time and Will admittedly wasn't doing that much better. Age before beauty? he asked flippantly. Frag you and the ship you-
And whatever else Will was going to have said was gone a moment later when Ironhide tightened his grip on Will's wing again and drew a strangled whimper from the Seeker-human in question, processors gone in a confusing haze of lust and pleasure and fight and ohgodmore as he tried to figure out if he should fight back or just lean back and do his best not to think of Cybertron in the least, because Ironhide's hands were pure witchcraft and if this was what pawing at his wings could do, he was mentally cursing every divine being who might have cared to listen that they hadn't used their first make-out fight session to explore the possibilities of it all.
"'Hide." It sounded uncomfortably like a plea instead of the firm demand he'd intended but Ironhide's touch had turned from a rough grip to an only slightly less rough exploration of his wings and even the fact that he could somehow find the brain activity to think, much less actually say something, was pretty damn impressive to Will.
The mech in question seemed to agree because the feeling Will got through their bond was distinctively smug before it faded again to give way to a mix of lust and protectiveness and an undercurrent of silent fascination that Will instinctively understood. He was a Seeker and Seekers were a breed all their own and however many mechs Ironhide might have been with in his long, long existence, there had never been a Seeker among them. Every touch, every reaction, every claim was new territory and the possessiveness that surged through their processors at that was as much the human as it was the Seeker.
He twisted sharply, a pang of regret as he lost the touch of Ironhide's hand on his wing but gone before it could truly register to either of them, and talons dug deep under scarred plating and tore through connecting wires like strips of paper. Sheer strength and surprise let Will flip their position, knew damn well that there was no way he could keep Ironhide pinned if the mech didn't want to be and beyond caring as he let Seeker instincts take over. Ironhide seemed willing to play along for the moment and Will freely took what he was offered – the temporary surrender of his mate as curiosity about what Will was doing won over the satisfaction of a good fight.
One clawed finger brushed a secondary Energon line under the heavy plating that covered Ironhide's chest, analysed and categorised fragments of a second later as something that would be annoying but non-fatal to have broken and left untreated, and two pairs of burning optics met before Will smirked and the claw curled sharply against the underside of the plating to neatly sever the line.
Pink stained the tip of his claws, black armour, flowed freely from the torn line even as self-repair systems kicked into action and began to stem the flow, and he lowered his head, mouth poised bare inches above still-leaking Energon.
Mine.
It was a promise, threat, warning, claim; mate and his as he bit down sharply on the line to keep the wound open, and it was joined by the sound of tarmac cracking as Ironhide dug his fingers into the ground in an effort to stay silent and not give Will the satisfaction of a verbal reaction. Not all pain, either, if what Will picked up from the bond was anything to go by, and he smirked as he let go of the line and lifted his head again and let Seeker instincts take over. This time, the Energon flowed for long enough to coat his hand and pool where it could, making its way between plating and clinging to wires and lines, and there was something about the taste and scent that marked it as different from his own. Not by much, barely enough to matter, but still a reminder that he was a Seeker now and Ironhide was anything but. Different bodies with different purposes and however trained his mate might be, Will still had both weight and sheer size on his side. Not enough to win a fight but still enough to cause serious harm on accident.
The Seeker part stirred, snarled its annoyance at being denied what it wanted, and Will let it take over again and followed its lead. His optics glowed brighter and he held Ironhide's gaze as he reached up and rested one hand on the black armour above Ironhide's spark-cage.
Stained claws curled against scarred plating, drew a screech of metal against metal as he dug in as deep as he could before his fingers took too much of the strain as well – crude, forceful motions but there was purpose somewhere underneath the lazy lust of it all, something past the pure, intoxicating feeling of control and having Ironhide at his mercy, and when Will finally let go again, the deep gorges had filled with the pink from Ironhide's own torn Energon line to turn into a softly glowing glyph. It looked a lot worse than it was, Will knew – Ironhide was a front-liner and meant to take a beating and there were very few sensors in that armour compared to the amount found in a Seeker's wings – and Ironhide's darkened optics that were the only response he had given came from Will and the Seeker's emotions and the act itself more than any physical sensation.
Mate, the Seeker purred silently as it took in the view, its mate marked and claimed for all to see. Mine.
His fans had turned on at some point – cooling fans, he realised distantly, and it was so much different when the heat came from your core and wasn't just an easy way to show off – and the sound mingled with Ironhide's own cooling fans and the harsh sound of venting intakes.
Ratchet, Will figured in a moment of clarity, was going to kill them.
He wasn't aware that he had transmitted that at all, through his bond or otherwise, but he obviously had because the impression of Ironhide's purr filled his mind a moment later and distracted him from the feeling of the mech shifting almost imperceptibly underneath him.
Ratchet, Ironhide smirked, can go frag himself.
One second of even moderately docile Seeker was all Ironhide needed for an opening. The breed was meant for flying, never for ground-based things, and Will was painfully reminded of that fact as Ironhide took advantage of gravity and experience to send Will tumbling to the ground and tore a strangled whimper from him when Ironhide gripped both of his wings.
He was tempted for a moment to keep fighting just to feel that grip on his wings tighten and soothe the near-panicked need-lust-desire but the thought was gone when Ironhide moved one hand to trace across the wide expanse of metal and linger on the still-sensitive tattoo. Metal-on-metal shouldn't feel so fragging good, shouldn't make every sensor hyper-sensitive and feel like the metallic equivalent of having your hairs stand on end from static electricity, and Ironhide of all mechs sure as frag shouldn't be able to turn him into a whimpering mess of... something just by stroking his wings like some stupid pet bird.
He should argue or complain or do something but in the end he just groaned again and then whimpered at a particularly successful stroke of the tip of his wing. "Fuck."
Amusement-lust-smugness from Ironhide, bastard that he was, and Will was going to pound the ever-loving slag out of him when he got coherent enough again to do anything other than arch into that touch like some horny teenager, and he wasn't sure if he should beat up Primus or thank him for giving him wings like that.
Entirely too talented fingers traced one tattoo again, followed the curve of the wing to where it joined his body, and he felt the first, small jolts of electricity in the wake of that touch as the charge grew. It felt vaguely familiar, he realised, something he recognised from his first time in his alt mode but this time he didn't try to rein it back in.
Instead he reached blindly for Ironhide, dug sharp fingers in between layers of plating to draw a hiss of pain-lust-want from the mech, and he got a slight twist of one wing in return as a silent warning and promise both.
The air from Ironhide's intakes was near-scorching and his own probably wasn't much better, but he didn't care when Ironhide finally spoke out loud in a voice that was little more than a dark purr, low and dangerous and belying none of the silent fascination Will felt from him through their bond.
"That sensitive, Lennox?"
The words sent another flare of arousal through their systems and energy bolts dancing across wings and plating, white-hot and burning to leave freezing cold behind, and frag it all to the Pit. "No, I'm here because I like the view. For frag's sake, Ironhide! Get your aft in gear or I'll kill you and I swear they will never find the body."
Another dark purr at that and a silent promise of a very long afternoon if Ironhide felt like it, but the grip still tightened to draw another pleading sound from him.
"Touchy, touchy. The word you're looking for, Will, is 'please'."
Fragging smug amusement that made Will and the Seeker both itch to turn the tables on the front-liner again but their control was shot to the Pit and their focus wasn't much better, and then one of Ironhide's hands trailed from his wing and to the point right above his spark and their world descended into nothing more than a blaze of lust-desire-mine-want-claim as that pulse in his chest responded to the presence of their mate.
Lines of code had responded the moment Ironhide's intentions became clear, rearranging itself to activate dormant programming and put into motion the complex series of commands and codes needed to open the multiple layers of armour that protected the very heart of his being. It was better protected than anything else on this new body of his, could probably handle a shot that would have turned his arm into scrap metal if need be, but right now Ironhide's presence was all that was needed to bring online the last bits of coding that would complete the sequence.
The sound of shifting plates was little more than a low whirr but Ironhide still heard it or recognised Will's intentions from the emotions across the bond. The mech froze for a moment in sudden uncertainty-
- worry-hesitation-desire-choice -
- And Will took the decision out of his hands when his fingers tightened around the edge of one piece of armour plating and he pulled with deliberate viciousness to bring their bodies close and complete the sequence with the last piece of armour that was still in the way.
The word I'm looking for is mine, Will smirked and scraped the underside of the much-abused piece of armour to draw a sharp sound of pain-pleasure from the mech. Mine and ours. The only one who'll be begging is you, old-timer.
A blue glow joined the drying pink of the Energon on Ironhide's chest as the final layer of armour that covered Will's spark parted – soft at first but growing stronger fast, flickering across black and grey, casting deep shadows in Ironhide's features and adding an unearthly look to already blazing optics, and it was as fascinating as it was terrifying to Will as he realised that he was looking at his own soul, laid bare and unprotected between them.
Even the Seeker's overwhelming desire to claim and mark and keep couldn't override that terrifying moment, and it was probably a testament to how far they had come that the Seeker actually reined in its emotion a tiny degree – still there, still tempting, still impossible to really ignore, but it was enough that he could think somewhat clearly again.
Ironhide felt his fear and hesitation and hesitated himself as well to let concern show through their bond, and finally Will lowered the last of his mental shields around his spark and allowed it all to catch up with him – the fear and uncertainty and sheer terror at the thought of what they were about to do, utterly unfamiliar territory and nothing that could be reversed again if he got it wrong, and he pushed it all aside with stubborn determination to focus on his mate instead.
My choice, Ironhide, he said, quiet, serious, and willing the mech to understand, to see that it was him and not the Seeker, that he could still think clearly through the lust and it wasn't just arousal talking. Nobody made that choice but me. The Seeker wants it but it didn't suggest it. So I'm a little freaked out – soul-sharing isn't exactly something humans do, in case you hadn't noticed. It doesn't mean I don't want this.
Having said what he needed, Will did his best to force those emotions aside and smirked instead as he tightened his grip on the plating again. From what he picked up from their bond, this time it definitely hurt and he would gladly pay for that later if that was what was needed to get Ironhide to move his goddamn self and do something. So to put this in terms even a front-liner should get, I want this and you stopped touching my wings. And if you don't get your rusty, glitch-infected aft in gear, I'll-
Whatever it was that Will intended to do, exactly, he would never know for sure because the thought was gone the moment Ironhide moved and the scarred armour that shielded Ironhide's own spark parted. The glow of the two seemed to feed on each other and intensify until the light was blue-white and near blinding, and whatever doubts he might have had left were gone when Ironhide crushed their bodies together and closed the last, few inches between them.
There was pain and pleasure, bright and glorious and terrifying, an alien feeling of something as his spark reached out to join with Ironhide's-
- And vertigo made his mind spin at a dizzying pace as his world exploded into a million pieces and reshaped itself back together into the single, all-consuming point that was his spark-merged bond-mate. It was clarity and overwhelming and too much and not enough and the fear that it would be too much was still there but for now he was still stable, could still find himself in the back of his mind, and knew somehow instinctively that however inexperienced he was, Ironhide was there as well and wouldn't let him fall too far into the maelstrom that surrounded him.
He was Ironhide and he wasn't, saw Ironhide see himself through Will's eyes, saw himself through Ironhide's eyes in turn and understood for the first time just why the Seeker could preen about its own appearance because through his mate's optics, the same creature that look downright ugly to a human became something exotic and desirable and elusive; and he had no time to consider it any further before he fell deeper into that presence and there was nothing left in his spark but the ancient, steady presence that was Ironhide and the overwhelming knowledge of a long, long life of memories.
Cybertron was the strongest among those memories – home and not home to the Seeker presence that still didn't quite know where it belonged – and a spark-wrenching feeling of loss at towering buildings that would never be again, glimpses of gardens he would never walk in and comrades he had never known but still missed in a strange way as the memories settled into his spark and became just as much a part of him as his own life had been.
War, combat; painful choices in the heat of battle, cutting losses so others could live, senseless destruction as city after city was thrown into conflict until the entire planet was engulfed and it was pain tinged with pleasure or pleasure tinged with pain as the memories of so many losses were tempered by the intimate knowledge of the mech above him and the absolute certainty that whatever he was and whatever he might still become, he wouldn't be alone.
He was vaguely aware of his own clawed fingers digging into plating, of energy dancing across armour and in between wires and seams to be lost in the blazing blue glow of their merged sparks; Ironhide's hands on his wings again and gripping with the same fierce desperation that Will himself felt, the constant feedback of his emotions felt by Ironhide felt by him and fed back through Ironhide as pleasure fed on pleasure and burned through any other emotion there might be left-
- And he felt it in the back of his mind as they fell over the edge, as the world was nothing but blinding, brilliant pleasure, the feeling of metal yielding under Ironhide's hand, and the last thing he was aware of was the sudden, panicked realisation that his wing was numb and he couldn't feel-
- And the world went white as the last coherent thought was gone and there was nothing left but instinct and the desperate need to fly.
Will came back online to a world that felt disturbingly, pleasantly... fuzzy. There was a nagging feeling somewhere at the edge of the fuzziness, something he was supposed to remember, but it was lost again in the haze of... wherever he was before he could grasp it. Stubbornness made him try again and watch it flutter away once more but this time it was joined by the only slightly more substantial feel of a hand held gently but firmly against his neck and a scan brushing lightly across his actual, physical processors. His optics were still offline but that knowledge was nothing but a distant little flicker of awareness and gone again a moment later as well, the fuzzy, woollen feeling of his mind too nice to bother with little things like that.
"Awake, I see." A voice somewhere in the haziness – Ratchet, he realised, Ratchet, he knew that one – and then the scan was gone and the grip on his neck tightened slightly and the medic continued before Will could even think of an answer in the pleasant, fuzzy haziness. "Do a full scan of your wings."
He recognised that particular tone of voice as one he shouldn't argue with and he obeyed without conscious thought. The scan started up sluggishly as it slowly became something substantial in the fog in his mind, then grew faster as his processors caught up with it and had just about reached something approaching normal speed by the time the stream of results appeared.
"No damage found, full responsiveness, no loss of sensors, not even as much as a scratch," Ratchet summarised somewhere beyond the haziness. "Agreed?"
Not a question, that, and Will was still too out of it to do much more than notice that his own sound of agreement was clearly Seeker based rather than Cybertronian or human, and the grip on his neck seemed to hesitate for just a second before it let go.
"Good. Do it again." Definitely not a request and this time the scan responded faster as the unnerving haziness he kept being unable to get a proper grip on slowly lifted. The result was the same – no surprise there – and this time Will managed to get his thoughts together enough to actually respond.
"All good. Nothing's wrong, Ratchet." Cybertronian this time – not something he would normally have thought about anymore, switching between Cybertronian and English without even thinking about it, but for the moment his mind was still sluggish enough to notice something like that.
He was about to ask what the medic was on about when Ratchet spoke again and chased the thought away.
"I'm glad we're in agreement, then." Sarcasm, Will's mind told him, and didn't he know big words today? "Release him, Ironhide."
Release him from what, Will was about to ask, but the answer came when Ironhide did exactly as told and the blanket of haziness was torn away between one second and the next. Knowledge flooded his systems, brought optics online and sensors back to full strength and the world into perfect, painful clarity, and it felt like the worst hangover of his life as god-knew-how-many-hours of sensory information caught up with him.
Disoriented, confused, a weird feeling in his processors and an even weirder one in his spark... he shifted through memories that still hadn't settled down right-
- Fear, pleasure, possessiveness, Ironhide, mine-
- And the dawning panic at the memories of a wing he couldn't feel and couldn't use and couldn't fly was ruthlessly suppressed as the scans that Ratchet had repeatedly insisted on took priority and calmed down the still-confused Seeker in his mind. The memories were still enough to make the Seeker shudder but at least it wasn't about to panic anymore.
Ratchet watched him carefully – and given the reaction he'd just had, Will really couldn't blame him – but didn't object as Will sat up carefully and his wings shifted instinctively to reassure the Seeker part that the scans had been right. No lag, no numbness, no sign at all that one of those wings had been injured and while Ratchet was good at what he did, repairs did take time, and that brought up another question.
"How long was I out of it?" he asked, almost scared of the answer.
"Sixteen hours," Ratchet reported and the glare he gave Ironhide told Will without a doubt that his... mate? Bonded? Whatever you called someone you shared a soul with had been given a few choice words about... whatever had happened. More stuff he didn't know, Will realised, and didn't the day just keep getting better?
Ratchet seemed to know what he was thinking – the bond, probably, because Will was in absolutely no condition to care one bit about the bond, much less shielding it – and answered before Will could ask.
"Ironhide, in one of his usual stunning displays of restraint and good judgement, managed to injure your left wing. It wasn't a serious injury but it was enough to trap several important wires and cut off roughly two-thirds of all sensory input from that wing. The wing itself was undamaged but you were unable to feel it. As a result, your Seeker half panicked. Ironhide, in a display of actual common sense, used your new bond as spark-merged mates to keep you from... I suppose 'going on a rampage' would be an exaggeration. You would probably have hurt yourself more than anyone."
Frag. He'd already had a bad feeling about the utter lack of memories after the panicked realisation that he couldn't feel his wing – nothing but blankness between that moment and then waking up in Ratchet's care in a fuzzy, hazy world – and that just confirmed that bad feeling.
He turned his head to look at Ironhide who waited a bit away, knew instinctively where to find him and just as instinctively needing to see him, and then asked the second question he was scared of hearing the answer to. "'Hide?"
His processors took a quick stock of what he saw, matched scars and marks up with memories and winced at the stuff he couldn't recall. The glyph on Ironhide's chest sparked plenty of images, a mental overlay of glowing pink where armour had been repaired but not yet repainted, and a muted feeling of smugness-pride-mine that he couldn't quite suppress. Thin lines almost overlapped to the right of it, small enough to be almost invisible against plating and a perfect match for his fingers. No sign of the Energon line he'd cut open but then, it would mostly have sealed itself and it was normally hidden under a piece of plating, anyway.
Plenty of damage dealt that he remembered... and looking at the missing paint from one piece of shoulder armour, something that looked like it had been dented and twisted and then forced back into place, probably more than a few injuries that he didn't.
Frag.
Something stirred in that unfamiliar place in his spark, reached out instinctively to find his mate, and memories that weren't his flooded his processors to fill in the missing pieces that Ironhide knew he needed to see. There was no request, no argument – Ironhide simply knew, knew that Will had to know and reassure himself, knew that whatever Will's mind could imagine on its own with no facts would be much, much worse than the truth, and so he made no attempt to stop it but merely pushed the memories carefully to the forefront of their bond to let the spark-merge handle the rest. It was different from a normal bond, Will understood that now at a level he hadn't before – something much deeper, much more permanent, much more intimate, and he didn't realise how much that spark-merge craved physical proximity until Ironhide moved closer with a bit of hesitation Will knew instinctively was based on Ironhide's fear of driving off their human-turned-Seeker more than any fear of what said Seeker was capable of.
At their side, Ratchet merely snorted. "All minor issues. He almost lost that piece of shoulder plating but it wouldn't be the first time. Old plate-head there has had encounters with Megatron's cannon at point-blank range in the past and lived to tell the story. I assure you, there would be very little one young, panicked Seeker would be able to do to its spark-merged mate that would cause Ironhide serious damage. He can consider it just payment for his stupidity in not listening to his medic."
Lessons, their bond filled in before Will could even ask. We needed lessons before doing... this.
Lessons. Will had forgotten about them entirely and Ironhide... had probably done the same, since none of them were stupid enough to cross Ratchet without good reason. Will had obviously been forgiven on basis of his age, being a Seeker, and general reasons of formerly-human stupidity. Ironhide, on the other hand...
"I got it, medic," that familiar voice rumbled in annoyance. "I get the point. I'm not going to forget again."
Lessons, Will realised in between Ironhide's memories of claws and bright, panicked optics and a screech that could have deafened a human, were a good thing. He could have killed someone. Maybe not Ironhide – even if Will was not going to put that theory to the test – but Ironhide hadn't been the only thing out there, not when they'd been in the middle of-
Something else hit home and Will groaned. "Tell me we didn't get in on in the middle of a runway."
"Technically," Ratchet corrected him, "you were close enough to the hangar that you weren't on the actual runway anymore. Which is rather good, considering the damage the two of you did to the tarmac. But to answer your question: yes, you did in fact put on a rather thorough display of claiming your mate, and there were quite a number of calls from ground control who were somewhat worried about the two robots that were apparently trying to kill each other. I believe Commander Epps was complaining rather loudly about paperwork last he visited."
And wasn't he a cheerful little sadist today, their medic. Will groaned again. "Please tell me nobody caught it on camera."
On Diego Garcia? Ironhide's smirk carried over entirely too well through their mental bond, and it was going to take for-fragging-ever to get used to that sort of bond. Everything he ever wanted to know about his mate-partner-brother-in-arms was right here and not all of it was easily blocked. At least there was the comfort of knowing that Ironhide didn't seem to regret it. Considering that the mech had just spark-merged with a Seeker that was only slightly more stable than nitroglycerin, Will had honestly been a tiny bit worried. Not something he would ever say out loud but then, he apparently didn't need to anymore. Ironhide, at least, seemed to be able to filter the connection a lot better than Will but then, he had practice and plenty of stubbornness to back it up. Will and the Seeker, on the other hand...
Yeah. Definitely something that would take some getting used to. Like certain other things but there was a limit to how much his brain could handle at a time and right now, he was pushing it.
Frag it, he finally sent back. If they were stupid enough to hang around to watch, they deserve the mental trauma.
Another smirk from Ironhide as he held out a hand in a silent offer and Will accepted it, hauling himself to his feet before Ratchet could object.
The world wobbled slightly as his mind got used to the whole place feeling somehow... off, like a faint, superimposed image on top that didn't completely match what he saw, and it wasn't until he focused on it that it faded and made his dawning processor-ache stop again.
Ratchet's soft snort was enough of a 'told you so' and the faint feel of a scan wasn't unexpected, either. "How do you feel?"
His wings moved on their own accord to reassure him that they were still there, still attached, and still functional, and Will gave the weird, mental sort-of-overlay a cautious poke in his processors. "Weird. Floor stopped spinning but brain can't really decide what it's doing. Seeker's..." he paused, genuinely surprised. "Pretty damn quiet, actually. I'm mostly me. I think." A shrug, awkwardly accepting what he really couldn't change. "I'll probably never know for sure anymore."
Ratchet just nodded and didn't look surprised in the least and that small fact alone did a lot more to reassure Will than he had thought it would. It was entirely unfamiliar ground for him and it helped a little to know that their medic recognised his state of mind... or was good enough to fake it. Right now, Will wasn't going to be peculiar about that.
"Your Seeker part, I suspect, is focused on your spark-merge. You react slightly different than I would expect a normal, newly spark-merged Seeker to, but it's your first merge and you have two distinct personalities at play. Far less distinct than at first, I'll grant you, but still very much individual personalities. One spark-merged mate at any one time is what most ground-based mechs will be happy with. Some have more, certainly, but they aren't programmed for it in the same way a Seeker is. Any proper Seeker Trine has spark-merged. It is in your programming to not just be able to adapt to multiple mates like that but to consider it a preference, too." He paused to let Will catch up with it all and when he continued, his voice was slightly gentler and more sympathetic. "You will feel unsettled as the spark-merge is fully integrated and the bond becomes a permanent part of you but it won't take long and once that has happened, that unsettled feeling should disappear. It usually takes a little longer and is felt a bit more strongly with your first spark-merge but nothing to be concerned about."
The world looked less confusing already, so Will settled for hoping he was right about it and just nodded. "So human's present and accounted for and the Seeker's... off doing stuff, basically. Making sure the temporary wiring won't snap on accident or something."
"Essentially, yes," Ratchet agreed. "Ironhide kept the Seeker as well as a good part of your mind... sedated, I suppose, while you woke up. It gave you a chance to return online with a level enough head that the repairs to your wings could register before you panicked again. Leaving any part of the Seeker in charge would more likely than not have brought you out of recharge fighting."
Which explained the fuzzy world he had woken up in and which he really had no wish to visit again any time soon. Even less so now that he'd learned what it actually was.
Flickers of memories from Ironhide, too small to really block anymore with a bond as deeply-anchored as the one they now shared, and it was too little and too much and too confusing, and he made a frustrated sound before he was even aware of it.
"So what happened while I was out of it?"
He had his suspicious, bits and pieces of a conversation that couldn't quite be blocked, an overwhelming flare of anger that was gone again a moment later, and the silence that passed for several seconds before Ratchet spoke was all the answer Will needed to confirm those nagging suspicions.
"Starscream."
And frag it all to the Pit, but he hated being right.
His optics met Ironhide's, didn't need to ask but received a silent acknowledgement, anyway, and then his mind was gone in the unnerving sensation of being here-but-there, watching the world through Ironhide's eyes, from Ironhide's point of view and with Ironhide's bias, and it was like stepping into shoes that someone else had already worn – comfortably used but not quite right and he wondered briefly if it was one of those things that he would adapt to or if it would always feel somehow off.
"It is an offence punishable by slow, painful offlining to keep a Seeker from the skies, Autoscum," Starscream sneered in the memory and felt entirely wrong in the way his voice made him shudder from the sound of it, a world away from the smooth, compelling power the Seeker heard and entirely unwanted now. He had been mostly neutral about Starscream's finer qualities in that regard as a human – he'd had plenty of reasons to hate the Seeker as it was – but if that was how a ground-bound mech like Ironhide heard his voice, it was absolutely no wonder they hated it so much.
The memory of Ironhide was furious and looking through his optics, it was a wonder that Optimus' response had been every bit as calm and even as it always was.
"In that case, Starscream, it is fortunate that we have not done so. Freedom is his right, as it is for all of us. I would not keep him from the skies. He is free to fly as he chooses."
Starscream sneered again in a way that felt entirely too familiar to Ironhide. "Obviously, then, it is purely coincidental his... reluctance to fly comes immediately after I spoke to him. How strange, Prime, when he has not been reluctant to communicate with me before. Perhaps someone was disappointed that he chose to listen and hear about his kin? Or did you use the Hatchet's knowledge of us to ground him in a web of weak, pathetic, worthless Autoscum lies? No true Seeker would keep from the skies, Prime."
It was insulting, it was snide, it was baiting, and still their Prime didn't rise to the bait and even without his new Seeker temper, Will wasn't sure he could have done the same if it had been directed at him. Optimus Prime had the patience of a fragging saint.
"A compliment, Starscream, or simply a convenient deception until he rejects your offer?" their Prime asked with deceptive mildness, and Will didn't doubt in that moment that the mech knew a lot more about the Seeker side of politics than he let on sometimes. Seekers who had joined the Autobots in the past had all rejected their loyalty to kin in the process, and more often than not their loyalty to bonded ones or mates as well. To Starscream, no Autobot Seeker was a true Seeker, and the strong lure in his words and clear interest in Will was only there because he wasn't convinced that this new, young Seeker was an Autobot by choice.
And whatever Will or Ironhide had expected, the smirk in Starscream's voice in response was not it.
"Merely the truth, Prime. He is young and untested but a Seeker nonetheless. Whatever mate you keep leashed to rein him in, whatever chains you have put on him, he will break them. No true Seeker would keep from the skies and no true Seeker would remain with those that would see it grounded, chained, and reduced to nothing more than a mere ground-pounder. Even his name is almost a proper Decepticon one. Release my kin, Prime, or suffer the consequences."
Snide, proud, compelling, Decepticon, and even through Ironhide's view, even with the shudder from the sound of Starscream's voice in his head, the lure had appeared again. Seeker instincts overrode it all, the instinctive need to listen to his Air Commander and leader of the first-among-trines, a shiver at the sheer power in the words and awe that it was for the sake of him; that Starscream's claim on his kin was enough to pit him against Optimus Prime, against Ironhide and Sideswipe and anything else the Autobots could throw at him, simply to reclaim someone he considered rightfully his and offer the freedom that the Autobots didn't give-
- And the sudden, clear shudder of disgust through their bond was enough to remind Will that his bond with Ironhide was permanent, what he felt, Ironhide would be able to feel as well, and right now he was doing very little to shield that bond. A good reminder that his Seeker side's fascination with Starscream was definitely not shared by his mate and Will at least had the good grace to offer a silent, embarrassed apology before he surrendered to the last bits of the memory.
"With Megatron's blessings?" Only Optimus Prime could put so much of a challenge into so mild a question, spoken as little more than a casual remark but with all the weight of a serious warning behind it and the silent reminder that Starscream's word, whatever the Decepticon Second in Command thought, was not yet law.
The bait failed as Starscream laughed, harsh and grating on Ironhide's processors. "Lord Megatron was not brought online with wings. He was a mere ground-pounder but saw the wisdom in Primus' creation of our wings and reformatted himself accordingly. He is not a Seeker but understands... enough. Far more than you ever will, Prime. Prepare your mindless little drones. You will surrender him freely or we will take him back by force. Hail the true children of Primus!"
The last declaration sparked something in Will, memories of a talk they had already had, and it forcibly pulled him out of the memory and back to the present. His processors were still a jumbled mess from it all and it took him a lot longer than he liked to sort through what he had just learned.
Starscream, Megatron, war, trap, battle, claim; and frag it, he didn't want to deal with it but in the end there was little choice at all. He might not want to deal with it but that wouldn't stop the 'Cons from going through with...
"What's their plan, anyway?" he asked quietly.
He saw the glance Ironhide and Ratchet exchanged through Ironhide's eyes as they seemed to silently debate something, and then the medic spoke.
"They've apparently prepared to strike against a number of targets that are sufficiently vulnerable to large amounts of damage and important enough to matter. They are being rather blatant about it, too. We suspect they will be equally blatant when they do choose their target. They will strike with their full force, which leaves us with an all or nothing option. To send only a fraction of our forces would see those mechs offlined and unable to stop Megatron's forces. Either we do nothing – which we are all perfectly aware is not an option to Optimus – or we send our full force to match them. Depending on whether you go with us or remain here, it will either bring you within close range of Starscream and Megatron, or leave you vulnerable here, which you would object to. They may not be able to get through our defences here easily but it would not stop Starscream from contacting you and the bond with Ironhide is still new and vulnerable. With Starscream so close and your spark-merged mate so far away, you might not go with him but he could still very easily draw you outside of the defences here."
"And I wouldn't stand a chance in the Pit against Starscream in a one-on-one fight," Will finished and stated out loud what they all knew. "Why me? I know I'm a Seeker but you can't tell me they do this sort of thing for anyone. I'm just a Seeker, Ratchet. We're stupid and impulsive and got wings. If they do this, they're going to suffer casualties. You can't tell me that Megatron-"
"-Would do in on principle," Ironhide half-growled and sent a surge of anger through Will systems before it was gone again, reined back in. "You're the only Autobot Seeker left. He'd want you away from us one way or another for that reason alone."
Which didn't make any more sense than Ratchet's explanation did and Will made a frustrated sound before he focused on his mate.
I'm just a Seeker. I'm not even good at it, 'Hide. I'm not that important.
He could feel Ironhide try to find a way to explain it better, to make it make sense to a human who wasn't used to their society at all, but surprisingly it was the Seeker part that spoke first, quiet and unnervingly docile in what was clearly a very long afterglow.
We used to be. We are Seeker. The sky is our dominion.
It didn't make much more sense than Ironhide's words had but it still triggered something in him, some dawning understanding of what he was up against. Megatron was old – younger than Ironhide, but still older than dirt. He'd known Seekers when they ruled the skies with violence and all the possessiveness the breed usually showed. There weren't many left of any kind of Cybertronian anymore but that knowledge had stuck with Megatron. If the loss of a mere ground-pounder could earn him a Seeker, Will realised, then Megatron would do it without a second thought... especially on a planet with so little in the way of air defences that could be used against one of the breed.
Yeah, Ironhide finally agreed with a small sigh. What it said.
The order to put things into motion, work out what they were dealing with and how to counter it was at the tip of his non-existing tongue when he stopped himself with a sick feeling in the pit of his equally non-existent stomach.
He couldn't give those orders because he wasn't the one in charge anymore. Epps held the human side of NEST now, Epps would be the one in charge of planning it all out, Epps would be the one to give those orders. William Lennox would have been able to do that once but that wasn't who he was anymore. It hadn't sunk in until now, until the Seeker was sated and docile and resting for the moment and his head was as clear as it had ever been since he had first woken up in his new body. It hadn't sunk in until now and the knowledge made his spark twist painfully.
William Lennox had been in command. Will, the Seeker, was not. Plans would be laid, decisions would be made, and he might even be asked for his opinion on it all, but it didn't change the fact that it was officially out of his hands and all he could do was wait until someone gave him his orders.
Like a pawn. Like a fragging little trinket to be fought over.
He felt Ironhide's worry at the flood of emotions that followed and put every last bit of focus he had into blocking their bond to the best of his ability. He couldn't deal with that now, not when he had so much else to handle, not when he wasn't even sure himself what was happening.
Was that why Megatron had made Starscream his Second in Command? The one way to prove that he counted the breed – their breed, Will's breed – as something more than just flying weapons or chess pieces to be used as seen fit? The mech was a ruthless, psychotic freak of nature but then, most Seekers apparently shared those traits, too, and having Starscream for a Second in Command more than made up for that. A Seeker to command Seekers, like it should be. Not a ground-pounder who didn't know the first thing about what they truly were beyond their wings. Starscream was a manipulative, back-stabbing pest and undoubtedly had some very selfish reasons for what the 'Cons were planning but it didn't change the fact that he and Megatron were willing to sacrifice ground-pounder lives to claim him. Not a pawn in Starscream's hands, but kin. Protected, respected, and claimed.
"Will?" Ratchet sounded worried and Will ignored him. Ironhide was there, Ironhide was stability, but Ironhide was Prime's. He would lay down his life for his mate, would kill and die in his name, but the dark mech was Prime's and that wasn't something Will could deal with now. Not Prime and not Megatron, and Starscream made sense and it was too much to deal with.
The shockwave of raw energy from his scan came instinctively, draining but not nearly as much as the first time he had done it, and it didn't make Ratchet wince the way it had the first time, either – definitely weaker but no less effective, now that he knew how to do it. Sarah's presence lit up in a nearby hangar – lingering there, he knew from Ironhide's memories, because they were worried about his state of mind when he woke up and not willing to have someone small and fragile around when it happened.
Lennox?
Ironhide this time but Will just shook his head. "I need to talk to Sarah."
Sarah was neutral, Sarah was on no side but his, Sarah didn't care in the least as long as he was safe, and he desperately needed that now. Someone safe and trusted and his.
He ignored the way the world still looked strangely off and headed out of the infirmary before either of the two other mechs in the room could move to stop him. He heard his name, felt Ratchet's hand on Ironhide's arm as a silent order to stay where he was, and then the door closed behind him and the bond with Ironhide – mercifully – stayed silent as the mech understood what he needed and let him have his space.
He needed someone to talk to. Maybe Sarah wouldn't understand, maybe she wouldn't even know half of the things he tried to explain in a way that made sense to his now entirely-too-alien mind, but she would listen, he knew that much. Sarah would listen and Sarah was family. The 'Bots all had the higher authority of Optimus Prime to consider and Epps wasn't any different, but Sarah had none of that.
She was mate, she was family, and he trusted her.
To Seeker and human both, that was all that really mattered in the end.